The Books of To-day and the Books of To-morrow, January 1906
MR. JOHN BURNS:—To devote a portion of his salary to the purchase of a new hat.
SIR HENRY CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN:—To fight against his fatal habit of offering a seat in the Cabinet to every Scotsman he meets.
MR. HENRY ARTHUR JONES:—To try to learn to love Mr. R. C. Carton.
MR. R. C. CARTON:—To try to realise that Mr. Henry Arthur Jones is a capital fellow when you know him.
HIS MAJESTY THE KING:—To carry a stout umbrella when shooting pheasants.
FATHER GAPON:—To send an autograph copy of his Life to General Trepoff.
GENERAL TREPOFF:—To take Father Gapon’s Life (if possible).
MR. A. J. BALFOUR:—To buy another half-sheet of notepaper.
MR. HALL CAINE:—To produce a second edition of ‘The Prodigal Son,’ containing a strong pathetic part for the Fatted Calf.
MISS MARIE CORELLI:—To write a novel entitled ‘The Master Straphanger,’ the villain to be a High Church clergyman (who is also a literary critic on a weekly paper), who refuses to give up his seat on the Underground to a lady novelist.
THE STRAPHANGERS:—To get seats.
THE UNIONIST PARTY:—Ditto.
MR. BERNARD SHAW:—To send New Year’s greetings to Mr. McAdoo, Mrs. McAdoo, and all the little McAdoos, not forgetting Mr. Anthony Comstock.
THE L.C.C.:—To get a passenger for one of their steamers if they have to shanghai him.
THE KAISER:—To explain to Great Britain that Germany is not really hostile to her, but is merely dissembling an almost hysterical affection, and that he is building ships more for the sake of something to do than for any other reason.
SIR ALFRED HARMSWORTH:—To adopt the title of Baron Answers of Tallis Street.
MR. F. C. GOULD:—In view of the General Election to draw a caricature of Mr. Chamberlain.
Printed unsigned; entered by Wodehouse in Money Received for Literary Work.