The Books of To-day and the Books of To-morrow, January 1907
New Year Resolutions.
Mr. Birrell: To order a neat suit of black.
The Premier: To learn to love the House of Lords.
The House of Lords: To remember that it is not the man who wins who calls the names.
The Suffragettes: To learn Jiu-jitsu.
The Constable on Duty at Palace Yard: To resign.
Mr. Roosevelt: To explain to California that he does not mean to be President of the dis-United States.
Mr. Moberly Bell: To order an inexpensive halo for Mr. Hooper.
Mr. H. E. Hooper: To send New Year’s cards to R/S 10853 and ‘A Country Curate’ as rewards of merit.
Mr. G. B. Shaw: To write a play with a strong comic beri-beri scene.
Mr. W. T. Stead: To wear no clothes.
Mr. Plowden: To clear the Court if there is laughter while he is trying a case.
Miss Phyllis Dare: To smile.
Miss Zena Dare: Not to smile.
Mr. Max Beerbohm: To write an article in praise of Baedeker.
Mr. George Edwardes: To try and avoid frost-bite.
The Kaiser: To continue to observe his rule of speaking with marked kindness of the Supreme Governing Powers of the Universe.
King Leopold of Belgium: To make up his mind that this year, at any rate, he will not lose money over the Congo, as he has been doing for so long.
King Haakon: To relieve public suspense by proclaiming the correct way to pronounce his name.
Count Boni de Castellane: To give a series of lectures on ‘Platonic Affection.’
Mr. Rockefeller: To take the bull by the horns, and spend a dollar in keeping up his position in the Smart Set.
Mr. Winston Churchill: To apply for the title-rôle in the next production of ‘Peter Pan, the boy who wouldn’t grow up.’
Mr. Algernon Ashton: To take to using postcards, to save expense.
Printed unsigned; entered by Wodehouse in Money Received for Literary Work.