AN INFALLIBLE SYSTEM.
Daily Chronicle, February 27, 1903
1 (Some burglars have entered the Casino at Monte Carlo and stolen several hundreds of pounds in notes and gold.)
Oh, I’ve been to the tables by night and by day,
I’ve sought inspiration from omens.
I’ve gambled in every conceivable way,
Taken all hints, scorning no men’s.
Always I lost what I happened to gain,
Strove for fresh prizes and missed ’em.
But things are about to look brighter, it’s plain,
For I’ve found an infallible system.
In future no need to deposit a stake,
That is an obsolete action.
Never again will the croupier’s rake
Fill me with dissatisfaction.
Never again will the red and the black
Subtly combine to perplex me.
Ne’er will the pangs of uncertainty rack,
Or my purse with its emptiness vex me.
Give me a jemmy, and find me a mate
(One who can handle a crowbar).
Gamblers are preys to the buffets of Fate—
To the burglar success presents no bar.
This of all methods is clearly the best;
I rush (for I know I shall win) to it.
Breaking the bank I shall leave to the rest;
For my part, I’m going to break into it.
P. G. W.
“A Telegram at the Daily Express states that while Monte Carlo was at its mid-day meal Friday, and the shops were shut, as is the custom, a gang of thieves, armed with false keys, entered a large jewelers shop, opened the safe and strong boxes, packed up some £10,000 worth of diamonds and jewels, locked the shop again and departed with their booty.” (Western Times (Devon), February 2, 1903)