Jeremy Garnet — the narrator;   an author, desirous of quiet and seclusion, preferably with some golf thrown in.

Mrs Medley — his landlady

Lickford — Jeremy's artist friend, at present on a sketching tour in the west country.

Stanley Featherstonehaugh Ukridge — an old friend of Jeremy;   a boisterous rogue, in whose vicinity meditation is impossible.

Millie — Ukridge's wife;   living proof that love is blind.

Phyllis Derrick — a pretty girl with brown hair (or perhaps it's golden) and blue eyes (or they might be grey).

Professor Patrick Derrick — her father;   an elderly Irish gentleman with fixed opinions about Sir Edward Carson and the Irish question.

"Aunty" — a very stout middle-aged lady, travelling by train to Yeovil.

Albert — not a sunny child, though showing "a skill in logomachy that marked him out as a future Labour member".

Molly McEachern — Phyllis's hostess during a recent visit to "the Abbey".

Beale — Ukridge's hired hand;   an old soldier whose passion for the truth "had made him unpopular in three regiments".

Bob — Beale's dog;   a mongrel with a passion for chasing chickens and cats.

"Aunt Elizabeth" — a disagreeable hen with Bolshevist tendencies.

Aunt Elizabeth — Millie's aunt, Lady Lakenheath;   neither a hen nor a Bolshevik.

Tom Chase — a lieutenant in the Royal Navy.

Edwin — a pure-bred Persian cat that finds safety up a chimney.

Mrs Beale — Beale's wife;   a "cook who would have graced an alderman's house", she is growing tired of ringing the changes on chicken and eggs.

Corporal Banks — one of Beale's former brothers-in-arms.

Miss Norah Derrick — Phyllis's sister, met on the beach.

Farmer Leigh, of Up Lyme — treats sick chickens on Christian Science principles.

Vincent Devereux — the hero of Jeremy's story, "Not Really a Coward".

Tom Slingsby — Hilda's hero, in Jeremy's story of that name.

Harry Hawk — a gigantic boatman and a mercenary man;   also known as "that girt fule, 'Arry 'Awk".

Angus M'Lurkin, of St Andrews — on one of his very off days, Jeremy halved a round of golf with him.

Vickers, the butcher — a rebellious tradesman

Dawlish, the grocer — another rebel

Pamela — a character in Jeremy's novel The Manoeuvres of Arthur.

Lady Maud — a similar character in Jeremy's other novel The Outsider.

Curtis, the fishmonger — another Combe Regis tradesman who would like to see the colour of Ukridge's money.

Colonel Jervis — winner of the golf trophy for the last two years, beating Professor Derrick on each occasion.

Jane Muspratt — Harry Hawk's girl, a young lady who knows how to write an interesting letter.

Tom Leigh — a Combe Regis resident who learns the hard way not to make jokes about Harry Hawk.

Mr Saul Potter — Professor Derrick's losing opponent in the semi-final of the Combe Regis Golf Tournament.

Charlie — Beale's losing opponent in a fist-fight.

Brass, of Axminster — possessor of the largest whiskers ever seen on a human face.

Bodger, Appleby, and Mr Blenkinsop, of Whiteley's — other tradesmen who are anxious to be paid.

Characters who speak (or otherwise play an active part) are shown in bold; characters who are merely mentioned or who play no significant part in the story are shown thus. Unnamed characters (eg a maid, a porter) are not listed unless they have a role in the plot. Real-life persons are not listed.

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