The Books of To-day and the Books of To-morrow, August 1905
LOST.—Several seats. Also a Division. Answers to the name of Snap.—Apply A. J. B., House of Commons, S.W.
SITUATION WANTED.— Smart young fellow would like job in next Cabinet. No previous experience: but energetic and not afraid of work. Would give services in exchange for comfortable home—say in War Office.—Apply Winston, England.
PHILANTHROPIC GENTLEMAN is anxious to send superannuated and overworked Government to the Country. Liberal support required. Will all kind friends lend their aid to this excellent scheme.—Apply C–B, Opposition Benches, S.W.
NEW MUSIC! NEW MUSIC! NEW MUSIC!—‘Hold the Fort,’ sung nightly at Westminster Palace of Varieties by Mr. Arthur Balfour; ‘I do all the dirty work,’ sung by Mr. Redmond; and ‘We’ll never come back no more, boys,’ sung by the Cabinet.
WANTED.—Gentlemanly man to act as Foreign Secretary in next Liberal Government. Must dress well on and off. References required. No statesmanlike ability required, but perfect breeding essential. An Earl preferred.
PERSONAL.—‘If the Russian Gentleman who has been having trouble at home will meet me on strict Q.T., I will see what I can do for him.’—William, Imperator.
PEACE WHILE YOU WAIT. —Mr. T. Roosevelt begs to inform his patrons that he has a large supply of Tact and solicits orders. Bellicose nations are strongly advised to give Mr. Roosevelt a trial before applying elsewhere.—Telegraphic address, Ted, Washington.
WHY GO ELSEWHERE TO BE CHEATED?—Come to us. Army Contractors, S. Africa. Perfect satisfaction (to ourselves) guaranteed.
PEOPLE who have carelessly built piers and bridges in and over the River Thames are respectfully desired to remove the same at an early date as possible, as they get in the way of the L.C.C. steamboats, causing much annoyance.
JIU-JITSU TAUGHT.—Apply Yukio Marri, Oxford Street. House of Lords writes:— ‘Since I learned your system I have become a perfect Hercules. I threw out the Trams across the Bridges Bill the other day with absolute ease.’
WHY MELT?—The weather’s warm, but Smith’s Ice Cream will keep you cool. A Government fed on our ice cream could never dissolve.
Printed unsigned; entered by Wodehouse in Money Received for Literary Work.