The Books of To-day and the Books of To-morrow, January 1908
Chat about Claimants.
[The claimants to the Portland millions are so numerous now that the papers
have given up trying to chronicle their movements. A few details, however,
of the private lives of one or two are given below.]
A CLAIMANT who posed as a wit
Started chaffing a stranger a bit . . .
They took him, in parts,
On a stretcher to Bart’s.
The stranger was G. Hackenschmidt.
THE JOURNALIST’S PROUD MOMENT.
A claimant who wrote for the Press,
When they asked ‘Are you brainy?’ said ‘Yes!
In the street yesterday
I heard somebody say,
‘See that chap? It’s Hall Caine!! That’s Success!!!’
A claimant in edgey Stamboul
Soliloquised thus to his spool:
‘When you’re thrown to the sky,
You come down on my eye;
And now you won’t spin! Silly fool!’
DENTISTRY IN INDIA.
A claimant in far-off Bombay
Behaved in a singular way.
He wrapped up his teeth
In a sort of a sheath,
Which, he stated, arrested decay.
UNREST AT SYDENHAM.
There was a young Sydenham claimant
Who would not settle up for his raiment.
Till his tailor said, ‘Dash!
I insist upon cash!’
When he made an immediate payment.
A fowl-farming claimant of Surrey
Fed his hens upon pea-nuts and curry.
When his friends came and said,
‘All your birds are now dead!’
He replied, ‘So they are. Still, why worry?’
Printed unsigned; entered by Wodehouse in Money Received for Literary Work as ‘Druce Case Limericks.’