Daily Express, Tuesday, January 26, 1909
 

THE DUSTBIN.

———♦———

  [“They were both sought by the Russian police as dangerous revolutionaries. . . They sought refuge in England.”—Extract from “Daily Express” report of the Tottenham tragedy.]

 

Young Ivan was a Russian
 Of lively turn of mind:
If Ivan called on any one,
 He left a bomb behind.
So Russia had no use for him.
 Did Ivan fret? Not he.
“In England they’ll be glad,” he said,
 “To have a chap like me.”

In gay Montmartre resided
 Auguste, who spent his life
Depriving passers by of Old-
 Age Pensions with a knife.
When France grew somewhat warm for him,
 His heart was free from care.
“I’ll go,” said he, “to England,
 They’ll welcome Auguste there.”

Antonio, of Florence,
 Brewed in his ice-cream can
The deadliest type of farthing lick
 That ever slew its man.
But, Florence failing to supply
 Antonio’s daily bread,
“Ah well, there’s always England
 Who’ll put me up,” he said.

And England, dear old England,
 Bless its capacious heart,
Took to these jovial sportsmen with
 Much fervour from the start.
If any local brute complained,
 Said England, “Hush! Oh, please!
Remember that the Aliens Bill
 Was not for trumps like these.”

So everything is splendid.
 We’ve made them feel at home;
We’ve given them a real good time,
 These men from o’er the foam.
They murder every now and then
 A neighbour here and there:
But these are merely Britons;
 We’ve heaps of them to spare.

       P. G. WODEHOUSE.

 

 

Opening paragraphs of the original newspaper report:

  An amazing outrage absolutedly unparalleled in the history of modern London took place at Tottenham on Saturday morning.
  Two Russian aliens, who have been identified as violent Anarchists, stole a bag containing £80 in money as it was being taken into the works of Schnurmann’s rubber factory in Chestnut-road, Tottenham.
  The two desperadoes were armed with revolvers, and during the robbery fired shots indiscriminately at all who attempted to stop them. A prolonged chase ensued, in the course of which the robbers commandeered an electric tram-car and a greengrocer’s cart, and kept up a perfect fusillade of shots at their pursuers, who numbered many hundreds, including dozens of policemen on horseback, on cycles, and in motor-cars.
  Finally, after a six and a half mile chase, in which hundreds of shots were fired by the fugitives and their pursuers, one of the men either shot himself or was shot, and now lies in the Prince of Wales’ Hospital, Tottenham. The other continued his flight, and finally sought refuge in a cottage bedroom, where he committed suicide.
  In the course of the chase the shots fired by the two desperadoes killed a policeman and a boy, and wounded over twenty other people, of whom eleven men, including two policemen, and three boys, were wounded seriously.

—Daily Express, Monday, January 25, 1909 (front page)